


Data Entry 12/07/2015

by Purplefern



Series: Twins -- A Human|Squip AU [7]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Asexual Jeremy Heere's Squip, Daily Life of an ex-computer, Diary/Journal, Gen, Human Jeremy Heere's Squip, Introspection, Jeremy Heere's Squip Uses They/Them Pronouns, Jeremy Heere's Squip looks like Jeremy Heere, Jeremy Heere's Squip wears makeup, Military Time is the SQUIP standard, One-Sided Attraction, Platonic Relationships, Separation Anxiety, So don't worry too much about that ship tag, clingy Squip, free will loading please wait, inspired by SU ep Log Date 4 15 2, mostly based on the Two River cast, way too many quotations, which is why the date of the entry is what it is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 5,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24201583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplefern/pseuds/Purplefern
Summary: Jeremy has suggested that I (that is to say: has forced me to) “do my own thing” rather than “constantly bother” him.So difficult.So I have started logging the events of the day. Specifically, the events of my own day. Walking back through my daily schedule I shall make note of the important events, if for no other purpose than keeping my side of the deal set by Jeremy for this evening.
Relationships: Brooke Lohst/Jeremy Heere's Squip, Jeremy Heere & Jeremy Heere's Squip, Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell, Jeremy Heere's Father & Jeremy Heere's Squip, Jeremy Heere/Christine Canigula
Series: Twins -- A Human|Squip AU [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1701745
Comments: 6
Kudos: 40





	1. Prelude

**Author's Note:**

> (I think the Play happened some time in early November, and Squip has been human for about a month now. Also I go mainly off of the Two River performance, which is why the year is what it is.)

**Entry 1: 12/07/2015**

Jeremy has suggested that I (that is to say: has forced me to) “do my own thing” rather than “constantly bother” him. My attempts to bargain with him were met with failure, and so I had to try to find something to do that “doesn’t involve” him. 

So difficult. 

I’m not used to the implications of having “free time”, and I tried to explain this to him. Before*, any free time I had would be spent furthering Jeremy’s desires, sorting through his thoughts and analysing data. Obviously neither of these are viable options anymore. (Well, I could plan out Jeremy’s choices, but I get the feeling he would not consider that as “my own thing”.) 

My initial attempt to fill the time worked out less well than expected, so out of desperation, I was left to consider what I “liked” doing when I was a SQUIP, so to speak. Many of them revolved around Jeremy in some fashion, except for the daily logs I would record to track Jeremy’s ongoing progress. Granted, Before* they were centered fully on Jeremy and what happened to him, as pertained to completing my objectives, but the act of logging isn’t inherently locked to one subject. 

That is why I have started logging the events of the day. Specifically, the events of my own day. Walking back through my daily schedule I shall make note of the important events, if for no other purpose than keeping my side of the deal set by Jeremy for this evening. 

*from here on out, usage of “Before” refers to my time as Jeremy’s SQUIP

  
  



	2. 5:30 AM

**05:30* -- Wake Up**

I started the day early, as I usually do. This gives me time to most efficiently get all morning rituals completed. I have suggested to Jeremy multiple times to do the same, but he remains resistant to the idea. When I made my recommendation today, all I got in return was a pillow thrown at me before he went back to sleep. (And it wasn’t even a good throw.) 

Jeremy was nearly late today, for not listening to me. But that is going out of order. A log is more beneficial when it covers events as they happen. 

*times are written in military time, as is the SQUIP default** 

**old habits, as they say 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, the chapter titles won't be in Military Time.


	3. 5:35 AM

**05:35 -- Shower, brush teeth, apply makeup and fix hair**

As for myself, I was able to complete all necessary physical preparations far more timely, all things considered (I certainly don’t linger in the shower for an unnecessarily long amount of time like Jeremy is wont to do. Such a habit is a waste of water and time, but I’m unlikely to convince  _ Jeremy  _ of that any time soon). Admittedly, my daily makeup routine is roughly as time consuming, but at least I account for that in my schedule, unlike Jeremy and his showers. 

Neither of the Heeres really appreciate how much time and effort it takes to properly apply makeup, or how intricate the process can be. In fact, amusingly, both Heeres seem almost frightened of it.

Mr Heere walked into the bathroom for a moment while I was applying eyeliner, and gave my whole operation a very wide berth while he did so. He kept looking almost suspicious of it, and Jeremy isn’t much better. Honestly, they can both be so childish; they act as though it will hurt them. 

I find that there is something immensely...transformative about applying cosmetics, the gradual process of my appearance changing with each stroke of a brush. It is almost, but not quite, reminiscent of my old ability to change my form to whatever I wished. Additionally, without it, I would exactly resemble Jeremy. That idea is...upsetting, for whatever reason, and I’m thankful I am able to avoid it. I further distanced my image from Jeremy’s today with the addition of a beauty mark while doing my usual makeup routine. It does a lot to make my face look more individual, and I am pleased with how it came out. I couldn’t say the same thing about my hair, for all of my attempts it still looks pitifully dorky without any way to style it.* 

*(Note: see about also getting mousse or hair gel of some kind)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record, I do not wear makeup, and the best I have to guide me is the internet. So this is my best guess here. XD


	4. 6:05 AM

**06:05 -- Get dressed & check in on Jeremy **

Thanks to my recent shopping trip, I can at least say with confidence that my attire is less socially suicidal than Jeremy’s.

I’ve continued attempts to advise him on changing his outfit, but he becomes quite hostile whenever I suggest it. Reflecting, I suppose he has good reason to, but we have both acknowledged that those mistakes were in the past, and were committed by a...different “me”. If anything, shouldn’t this give him more reason to trust me? Since now I still have the goal to help him, but this time using a bit more tact.  
Of course, Before I could advise his outfit choices by determining the best probable outcome. I can’t even do that to determine my own clothing selections anymore.  
Merely choosing a shirt for the day took far longer than it should have. While trying to decide, at a point I attempted to access my quantum processor to aid my choice. But of course, there was nothing to access, which continues to prove difficult to adapt to. Without it, who’s to say what outcomes could occur from which shirt? Was I supposed to just pick blindly, not knowing what could happen?

How do humans live like this? (How am _I_ going to live like this?)

In the end I was able to select a plain light blue t-shirt, and as far as I can tell there were no negative outcomes resulting from this choice.

It is difficult to say which is more of a struggle, making decisions without the benefits of a quantum processor or trying to get Jeremy out of bed at a reasonable hour. After choosing an outfit, I noticed that Jeremy was not asleep where he was in his bed, he was just laying there and staring at nothing. I tried to convince him the benefits of getting up, but was ignored. Insultingly, he continued pretending he was still asleep and pulled his covers over his head instead of listening to me. I ultimately decided to allow him to have his way as I put on my jacket and went to get breakfast.


	5. 6:15 AM

**06:15 -- Eat breakfast, drink coffee, aide Mr Heere with the crossword**

Since deciding to become a better father, Mr Heere has taken to doing the crossword puzzle in the morning. I am certain it is not because he likes it, since he requires assistance on most of the words, rather, I believe he thinks that doing the crossword is the mark of a “responsible” adult. I have elected not to bother correcting him. 

Today was an especially amusing crossword day, for his first question for me was a three letter word for computer memory. I debated saying something snarky about that question being vaguely racist, but quickly thought better of it. I’m not Jeremy, after all. I told him to try “RAM”, and when it worked he told me “Thanks, champ”. 

Ever since forming a rapport with Mr Heere, I have often found myself on the receiving end of his paternal nicknames. I am not certain if I like it or not, but I see no reason to stop him.

  
What I  _ do  _ know that I like is how he makes coffee every morning. I’ve found that I like coffee in general. It’s like starting up in the morning after being in sleep mode when I’ve been recharging and debugging all night. Just an alertness and crispness of thought that seems to come to humanity by no other means. It’s wonderful, although it tastes terrible. However the logical benefits of drinking coffee  _ far  _ outweigh this one slight negative. 


	6. 7:00 AM

~~**06:30** ~~ **07:00 -- Jeremy wakes up**

Jeremy, despite my insistence on waking up, was a half an hour late getting up today. He nearly forgot his backpack as he left as well. I had to remind him to grab it. 

Though I knew better than to believe he would allow me to say “I told you so”, I am sure that he knew I was thinking it (if his attempts to insult me were any indication). 

  
To a certain degree, despite the numerous difficulties, I suppose it is better that I am like this instead of deactivated. At least, as a human, I can still offer Jeremy advice so that he’s not _completely_ helpless. Of course, he still chooses not to listen to me, which makes everything more difficult. When will he learn that I’m only trying to help him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thought I'd try something a bit new and different by doing a journal/diary story. Get inside the head of our newly-instated human, you know? (Here's hoping this turns out well.)


	7. 7:10 AM

**07:10 -- Leave for school**

When leaving the house (with a mere 15 minutes to arrive on time), Jeremy spent most of the walk complaining about school. We had a brief debate on the matter, where I tried to convince him that highschool wasn't entirely terrible. Since beginning to “shadow” him, I've found that I enjoy school. Perhaps it's because Before my program was designed and evolved to work within a public highschool setting. Or maybe I'm just used to being a learning algorithm, picking up whatever knowledge I can, so I look forward to the learning the classroom brings (though I'm fully aware that such curiosity and desire for knowledge is perceived as nerdy). The debate ended when Jeremy noted that I am not technically a student. For some reason, even though that is completely factual, the statement upset me.

At Jeremy’s school, I am posing as his cousin. This is a lie. I am posing as a normal teenage highschooler. This is also a lie. Despite logically knowing that I _am_ human now, oftentimes I feel like that is a lie as well. 

The weather _certainly_ wasn’t helping my mood. It was 1.6℃ (35℉). It’s moments like that where I despise having the ability to feel. Despite having a fairly warm jacket to wear, and the walk from Jeremy's house to the school being short, it was still _cold_. It’s awful, and the feeling of shivering is just entirely unpleasant. 

Of course, Jeremy seemed fine the whole time, so maybe it only felt so cold because I’m unused to it. Somehow that doesn’t make me feel better.


	8. 7:25 AM

**07:25 -- First Period: English**

In first hour I actually participated in roll call, to help Jeremy cope with his stress at attendance that he has had since long before he even had me. There was nothing to say that I couldn’t, even if I am “not a student”. I thought it would serve as a little leading by example, after all, if I am Jeremy’s “cousin” that could make me a Heere as well, technically speaking. 

The solution was simple. After Jeremy replied to the name called with a depressing “present”, I demonstrated a better solution by responding with a simple greeting. “yo”. Socially acceptable (at least, more so than “present”) and practical. I am certain that my contribution helped to ease Jeremy’s concern over attendance. 

When Jeremy asked why I never helped him deal with attendance Before, I was unable to answer him. It is complicated and strange to try and think back to my SQUIP memories. While I can remember things that had happened while I was a computer, it isn’t the same. The longer I am human, the more my past decision making eludes me. What had been, I am sure, once clear and logical I am now unable to determine how I had thought that way.

(The best I could do to reply to his question without raising any suspicion or admitting any of this to Jeremy was to shrug and hope he would take the gesture as sass. Fortunately, Jeremy isn’t that perceptive, so it appeared to work.)

I was preoccupied with the complicated nature of my past for the remainder of the class. Fortunately, writing is easy, and I had faith Jeremy could manage without any assistance from me. (Beyond that, even if I had been paying attention, poetry is far from my strongest skill. At least, it is without an ability to search common metaphors online under my own power. There’s really no way to tell what on earth these texts are supposed to mean without it. It’s all completely arbitrary.) 

Reflecting on this experience, this was also the first time I have acknowledged myself as “Skip Heere”. Though it’s only logical that I, as Jeremy’s “cousin”, would share his surname, it feels strange to associate myself like that. (Strange, but not, I feel, necessarily negative.) There is something powerful about the implication of a last name, a surname, a familial name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If Jeremy has a canon school schedule, I'm afraid I don't know what it is. This'll have to do.


	9. 8:15 AM

**08:15 -- Passing period, greet Christine to maintain a positive relationship status**

During passing period, we came across Christine in the hall. I suggested that Jeremy greet her when he froze up upon seeing her. (Apparently nothing I did for him Before when it comes to speaking to females stuck. Unfortunate.) Of course, he only berated me for giving simple, helpful advice such as this, claiming I “didn't need to tell him to say hi to his friends”. I almost replied that, “Isn’t Christine supposed to be more than a friend?” but decided not to. Jeremy doesn’t like it when I do “SQUIPpy” things, and I am certain that “interfering” in his romantic affairs would be considered “SQUIPpy” by him. Even if I have a new understanding of my behavior Before, I find this judgement of his somewhat unreasonable. What does he expect me to do? The desire to help him achieve his goals is written into my code, and Christine was the most important goal that he had. 

Well, in the end I didn’t have to worry about telling Jeremy to talk to Christine, because she talked to us. Yes, us. Including myself. Despite my attempt to remain discreet and allow Jeremy to do all of the talking, she still acknowledged me, though by all normal social rules, with the way I was behaving I should have been completely ignored. Christine just has an uncanny ability to defy every one of my expectations. It was frustrating Before, but now somehow it is nearly endearing. 

She primarily dominated the conversation, but I’m sure that even if she wasn’t so... _ Christine _ * Jeremy would have been unable to contribute much anyway. Anything he did manage to say was so distorted by stuttering it was nearly incomprehensible. I honestly wish he would let me give him some advice. (Of course, whenever I attempted he was probably thinking about the last time I tried to help him get with Christine. And, to be honest, so was I. Throughout the duration of the conversation, comparing how Chrstine was acting to how I had made her act, it gave me the most unpleasant, almost burning feeling. It was probably guilt, since it was most comparable to how I felt when having a conversation with Jeremy about the play and about Before. That guilt was enough to keep me from commenting further, even when I had a chance to comment on Jeremy’s stuttering after we were left by ourselves in the hallway as she went to her next class.)

  
  
  
  
  
  


*Christine behaves in such a unique manner, that it seems more efficient to use her name in and of itself as a descriptor rather than spend time looking for adjectives.**

** Especially since I would have to do physical research on my own to find them.


	10. 08:30 AM  - 09:45 AM

**08:30 - 09:45 -- Second Period: History & Third Period: Physical Education **

Jeremy does not require too much assistance in second or third hour. He is actually surprisingly adept at history. My own databases are embarrassingly scant on it. Human history had little bearing on Jeremy’s goal to be popular, it would seem, so I hardly researched the subject. I’ve decided to compensate for this deficiency by taking notes during the class to better assist Jeremy later, should he need it. (As noted earlier I’ve also found that I enjoy learning in class.) And, regrettably, there is little I can do for him in physical education while I am in this state, besides cheering him on or offering critiques, neither of which are received particularly well by him. I am not allowed to even participate in the class, since I am “not an actual student”. (Even though I wouldn’t mind it. This body is weaker than I would like.) 


	11. 10:00 AM

**10:00 -- Fourth Period: Mathematics**

I will admit that, if, for some reason, I had to pick a favorite of Jeremy’s classes, it would most likely be math. While many decisions are clouded and confused from being human, math is still exactly the same, and I am still good at it, thanks -- presumably-- to what remains of my original unit. It is...a relief to have something still be familiar, even if enjoying mathematics as a human goes against my attempts at preserving my “chill” image. I assume it is only a matter of time before Jeremy chooses to amuse himself by pointing out that particular contradiction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These entries were shorter, but after this they really get more substantial, so can't wait for all of that.


	12. 12:05 PM

**12:05 -- Eat lunch with the “Squip Squad”**

Eating lunch with the “Squip Squad” (an amusing and somewhat flattering title, despite the irony that I am not actually a part of said “squad”), is an interesting experience. I know all of these teens quite well, better, even, than Jeremy does, yet one could hardly say I am friends with any of them. (With, perhaps, the exception of Michael, but I’m not sure how I would feel about that particular claim.) 

It was _ particularly _ ...interesting when Brooke attempted to flirt with me from across the table. Or, I suppose, when she tried to flirt with “Skip Heere”. If she knew who and what I actually was, I imagine she would be far more reluctant. The whole experience was incredibly uncomfortable while it was occuring. I have detailed and well documented memories of exactly what it is like to kiss Brooke from coaching Jeremy how to do so, but feel no such attraction to her. It only makes it more unsettling that she didn’t know I was there during such an intimate moment. While in these uncomfortable reflections, I fear that I did not respond appropriately to her advances. Fortunately it seems that my-- I can’t believe I am going to have to apply this word to myself -- awkward behavior was not noticed by the rest of the table. 

The remainder of the “Squad” was  _ much _ more easily managed. Very few of them took note of me, as I did not call too much attention to myself. I kept completely nondescript during the entire conversation so that Jeremy could interact fully with his peers. (Which was more difficult than it should have been. While I kept myself aloof, for some reason not being a part of the conversation stung, and a part of me wanted for the teens to speak to me. I don’t know why, the so-called “Squad” are  _ Jeremy’s  _ friends, not mine. Beyond that they are friends that I had to work very hard to get for him, I should just be happy that he is maintaining his social status well, even while shunning my advice. My standing in his peer group hardly matters.)

More importantly, Jeremy is making excellent progress in maintaining his relations with the popular kids. (Although he still has elements of hesitation talking to the females of the group, Christine especially, as evidenced by his interaction with her in the hall previously.) Otherwise, he performed admirably in his interactions with the group while sitting at their table, and even if I were able to intervene in the conversation without calling attention to myself, there were very few moments where I would have deemed it necessary. (Although a part of me wonders whether my standards are simply lower due to my new humanity.) By some miracle that I am certain my processor had not anticipated, he has even managed to bring Michael into the previously entirely popular group. 

Of all those that sit at the “Squip Squad” table, Michael is the most difficult to tolerate. Because he knows exactly of my situation he seems to enjoy teasing me. It’s childish and obnoxious, and I can’t even retaliate properly without giving myself away and Michael  _ knows  _ it. And of course, Jeremy gives me a suspicious glance if I say something even  _ remotely  _ critical to Michael. Undergoing such abuses without any chance to defend myself, it’s unfair. 

  
  
  


Social element aside, I have greatly improved in actually eating lunch, though I insist on bringing my own. I attempted to eat the school-provided lunch exactly once, and could hardly stomach it. I don’t know how Jeremy manages. Michael, it seems, agrees with me on this point, for he always brings in a different form of sushi to lunch. (Of course, if you asked me I would say that that was not much of a step up from the cafeteria food, but no one ever  _ does  _ ask me.) 


	13. 1:35 PM

**13:45 -- Last Period**

Nothing remarkable happened until the final period, when the principal wanted to discuss with “the Heeres”.

I was helping Jeremy with note taking, and in general trying to remind him to pay attention, when “Jeremy and Skip Heere” were called to the principal’s office. Jeremy was concerned that we had done something wrong, and I had to assure him that we had done nothing worthy of disciplinary action. (At least, nothing in _my_ memory, and I still have a very good one.) I feel a certain pride that I am at least able to get Jeremy to listen to me to relax, if nothing else. 

The principal wanted to know how long “Skip”-- I -- would be here. The question caught both of us off-guard, I think. I … hadn’t considered it. There’s always been a sort of lingering feeling that at some point this will end and I will return to being a computer. Perhaps that is (ironically) simply human nature whenever a large change occurs, this feeling of everything being temporary. 

I was occupied thinking over all of that, and Jeremy had to answer for us, with an evasive “a while”. 

The principal suggested that I enroll at Middle Borough, if I am “going to be staying awhile”. 

Being a student, being enrolled at Jeremy’s school, that would entail that this humanity is staying indefinitely. Which, of course it would, my processor is damaged beyond repair. I knew that when I did this, to a certain extent. But, somehow, the thought hadn’t occurred to me. This was the first time I was made to seriously consider the future. I tried to picture the unknown future as being a human (not in a quantum processor way, but in a normal human imagination way), going through the years of school, graduating, the most frightening part was considering what would happen _after_ highschool. What will I do when Jeremy inevitably attends college? Before there was no need to consider any of this, where Jeremy would go, _I_ would go, I was programmed that way, fixed inside of Jeremy’s skull. But now there is no such guarantee. He could leave me behind and _then_ what would I do? What would I _do_? 

Whatever else there was to the conversation, I was embarrassingly too preoccupied with the former thoughts to pay attention, so I do not remember it. If it was important I am sure Jeremy will inform me. 


	14. 2:25 PM

**14:25 -- School Day Ends**

  
  


After school, Michael invited Jeremy to his house, and Jeremy wanted me to leave. 

He had been pushing me away more all day, but I couldn’t fathom the idea of being home by myself. If I am being honest, the concept was intimidating to me, especially since I was still considering all the repercussions of what the principal had said. I was...sensitive at the time, so I insisted that I should come with them. 

Of course, this is far from the first time something like this has occurred. Practically any time I am not with Jeremy it leaves me wondering. What should I do? What will _Jeremy_ do without me? Even when he leaves for someplace as familiar as Michael’s, it triggers a host of nagging fears, especially without my quantum processor. For a SQUIP this would be natural behavior (such that a computer can be “natural”), since I would have had no other purpose than protecting Jeremy. 

But, reflecting on this, I am starting to believe that this isn’t a sustainable behavior for however many years I am going to be human. I hope to find some way to improve this, but the prospect is intimidating. I don’t know what else to do. 


	15. 2:35 PM

**[14:35 -- Play video games at Michael Mell’s house]**

Ultimately, Jeremy and Michael played _Apocalypse of the Damned_ for several hours, while I merely watched. I suppose, in all fairness, both Jeremy and Michael offered to let me play several times, but I have no interest in video games. Additionally, Jeremy and Michael are very close, and it made me feel unusually like something of an intruder to just be there while they laughingly played games, or joked with each other. Although at the same time I was relieved to stay in Jeremy’s company. These emotions conflicted horribly, and I can’t say that I liked it. Humans _feel_ too many things. 

Like how, the longer it went on, the more I became aware of a strange feeling, like a clenching in my chest though my breathing was fine. Left to my own thoughts, watching the “Player One” and “Player Two” interact so seamlessly, so effortlessly, the thought came to me that I have no one like that. The closest I have is Jeremy, and though our relationship is improving, it is far from as cordial as his and Michael’s. 

Jeremy and Michael played games until 18:00 [6pm], at which point Mr Heere called to inform me that dinner was ready. (In addition to the familiar nicknames, I also ended up gaining a cellphone from Mr Heere after we had our talk. He wanted to be able to “touch base” with me if necessary. I was certainly not going to turn down the offer.) 

Amusingly, when I asked him why he called me and not Jeremy, his response was that he “knew that I would actually pick up”. There was no real reason for me to feel pride at that statement, it was just the truth, but I did anyway. 


	16. 6:15 PM

**18:15 -- Dinner**

Since getting over my initial setbacks, being able to taste is certainly one of the most enjoyable aspects of being human. Even Mr Heere’s subpar cooking tastes amazing by virtue of being new (certainly a step up from cafeteria food). If I’m not careful, this could easily lead to unhealthy dietary habits, the likes of which I have often criticized Jeremy for. Unhealthy food just tastes so delicious. I’ll have to make sure in the future to pay attention to that.

Less enjoyable is the dinner conversation. I know how to act in conversations, of course, I know the rules. But it’s still unusual to have Mr Heere acknowledging me, not to mention when he asks how my day was. Having someone ask about  _ my  _ day at all is still a disorienting experience. While “fine” works as a response in most social circumstances, at family dinners it is generally considered as confrontational. I do not wish to cause discord with Mr Heere, which left the truth--or something resembling it-- as my best conversational option. However, maintaining a conversation about my own feelings is something I’m still getting used to, especially with the fine social line of things you do and do not tell a parent. 

I felt that informing him about my enrollment as a student was an inevitable topic, but he took it far better than Jeremy or I did. He just smiled and exclaimed that it was a great thing. I guess that is only to be expected. Mr Heere only has a slight grasp on the supercomputer vs human circumstance, I shouldn’t expect him to understand why this would be seen as an upsetting development. 


	17. 6:45 PM

**18:45 PM -- Assist Jeremy with homework** ****  
  


Helping Jeremy with his homework is both the most rewarding part of my day and the most frustrating. Nothing is more comforting or satisfying than helping Jeremy, but he often resists many of my efforts to get to that point. 

Today was worse than others. He constantly insisted he didn’t need any help, as he had been doing all day. At the time, I didn’t know why he had to make everything so  _ difficult _ . He insisted that I should find something else to do, that I should “want” my own things, trying to explain that “no normal person would  _ want  _ to do homework”. 

I attempted to explain to him that I am not exactly a “normal person”, and that I _do_ in fact want to help him and that I _want_ to do homework. Helping him was my sole purpose, my only desire, for the majority of my existence. How can I be my own person and “do my own thing” as Jeremy is so fond of telling me, when I was created without any ability to do so? When _Jeremy_ was intended to be my _only_ interest, my _everything_ I would go so far to say? 

It is difficult to fight the instincts I was created with. They’ve, perversely, only grown stronger from my humanity. Now, I don’t merely want to protect Jeremy because it is what my programming dictates. I _ care  _ about him. I wish I could find a way to stress this to him. My attempts earlier were less clear than they could have been, since his annoyance made me emotional as well because I am not very adept at handling stronger emotions yet. In the end, he only agreed to let me tutor him if I “found my own thing to do” afterwards. I agreed to his terms. 

Although, at this point in the day, considering everything I have recounted, I can somewhat see his point. Jeremy was likely correct about me finding a hobby. 


	18. 8:00 PM

**20:00 -- ???**

After finishing with Jeremy’s assignments, I spent a while reflecting on what I would like to do. 

After minutes of mulling around my/Jeremy’s room, I quickly grew frustrated at being useless, so I tried to busy the time by straightening up the house. If I couldn't do something that helps Jeremy, it seemed acceptable for me to do something to benefit the entire household. 

Apparently Jeremy didn’t see it this way. As soon as he noticed what I was doing he immediately told me that it didn’t count, and that he was “changing the deal”. I hardly thought it was fair for him to alter the arrangement like that, but he did it anyway despite my protests. He then told me I needed to find something “fun” to do on my own. He didn’t seem to believe me when I told him that I _did_ find cleaning fun, so I was left to find something to do once again. 

At a loss, I tried a second time by exercising. It was a time consuming, as well as practical, activity, and is considered “fun” by many humans-- fitting into Jeremy‘s now stricter terms. Also, this body is far scrawnier than would be deemed socially acceptable or attractive, and exercise would be beneficial in resolving this lacking area. (Since I have already sorted out the problem with my regrettably childish freckles, this could be another way to make my appearance more appealing.)

I attempted a very basic workout, but I fear I far underestimated just how weak this body is. My arms gave out after a slight 15 pushups, and crunches did not fare much better. It was frustrating, but I suppose this means that I have solidly decided to implement more regular workouts into my daily schedule.


	19. Present

**PRESENT**

After that went less well than expected, I was stuck in the same place again. 

I don’t know what I want. I’m still not entirely used to the concept of “wanting” things at all. Well, at least, wanting non-tangible things. Desiring something, I should say. But then, as stated at the beginning of this entry, I considered the merits of keeping a daily log in time with my usual schedule. 

And I have to say, it was successful. I have been doing this for an hour and thirty-seven minutes, but it has hardly felt that long. I’ve certainly met Jeremy’s requirement of keeping myself occupied with something that doesn’t involve him. 

It has also been beneficial in stabilizing my experience as a human. Working through all of these thoughts and emotions is a much simpler task when done through writing. It has given me what I had wished I could have several weeks ago, during my first week of being human. It has given me a way to sort through and organize my whirlwind of thoughts. 

  
  


And now it is time to prepare for the night. (I will be sure to show my progress to Jeremy before I retire to bed.) 


	20. 10:30 PM

**22:30 -- Bed**

Though I have finished journaling for the night, I will make a few more notes before I go to sleep. 

Between recording these entries, I demonstrated my journal to Jeremy, to show that I upheld my half of the bargain. He only skimmed it, but he expressed that he was proud of my progress. 

The comment made me happy. 

In general the whole experience of journaling has made me happy.

I must remember to do this again. I have added a note to my schedule* 

*(attached) 

* * *

05:30 

Wake Up 

07:25 

School starts 

12:05 

Lunch 

14:25 

School ends 

18:15 

Dinner

18:45 

Assist Jeremy with homework

**19:45**

Work Out 

**20:15**

Journal 

22:30 

Sleep 

**Author's Note:**

> So that was this fic. I hope you all enjoyed accompanying the Squip through their day. I know I had fun writing it. Leave kudos, comments, etc, see you in the next installment of this series. Thanks for reading. :)


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